The world is full of veritable patron saints, and of course, the morally bankrupt to balance it all out. While the majority of us tend to fall somewhere in between, throughout our lives we meet a variety of different characters; who either astonish us with their empathy and generosity, or on the other hand, their selfishness and greed. Unfortunately, however, some of the more distasteful individuals happen to be our friends and family. And one such morally challenged person recently took to the internet, to ask for advice on how to tell her husband that her two teenage daughters, aren't his biological children.
The people of the internet had seriously strong opinions on a situation wherein a woman, who has been married to her husband for 15 years, had refrained from telling him that her daughters weren't his.
The woman, who has remained anonymous, took to question-and-answer site Quora, to pose the question. She wrote:
"I am love married for 15 years now and living happily with my husband and two daughters 14 & 13 years old. He is not their real father and he is not aware of that.
From my college days when I was dating him, I used to have casual sex with guys around. Please don't ask me about counts.
After marriage I became a housewife and was less social. But this didn't change me. I still get to meet guys when my husband was out which included his cousin, friends, laundry man, neighbours etc.
So in short I did it with multiple guys. And I have no regrets, I still do it but less frequently.
When my daughters where 5 & 6 I got their dna tested and as expected came to know he isn't their father. He is a good man though, but I feel if I tell him, he will leave me, and that will affect my daughter’s life financially.
So what should I do ?"
So despite alleging that she is "love married", this woman has still chosen to be unfaithful to her husband. In fact, the only thing she seems sure of, is that her kids aren't her husband's. As such, the people of the internet, understandably, had some harsh words for her.
Shelley Harris, a child welfare worker, was practical in her advice and advised the woman to solicit legal counsel, as soon as possible: "You need to hire an excellent family law attorney and get some sound legal advice. Do this BEFORE you tell your husband of 15 years you have been duping him about your fidelity within the marriage and the parentage of his children," she wrote.
Divorce, Jaime Mackey who claimed to have "A LOT of experience in this category" was a bit more harsh, and didn't hold back on throwing punches at the wife and mother:
"Well sorry but I'm going to say what others have avoided - shame on you. Your decisions affect more than just yourself and you only look out for you. Should he know that he's not their father yes, but it's been so long it will crush him and the girls - so does it matter at this point? I would imagine he is dad on birth certificates etc. However - you must tell the girls especially when they grow up and start having families of their own. This fact will effect their medical history."
Another Quora user suggested that the woman do some inner work before dropping the truth bomb on her husband. She stated:
"I guess before I dumped such horrible news on a innocent family, I would examine my motives. My self. And question what is it, about me, that I feel a need to do that? Do I need counselling? Am I a sex addict? Are there sex addict meetings in my area that I can start to attend for free and start looking at my behaviour and perhaps figure out a way to make AMENDS to my family without HURTING them more? Meaning, you do not have the right to peace of mind by dumping a pile of garbage onto unsuspecting family members so you can feel relieved you finally got something “off your chest.”
If I was you, I would leave those kids and your husband alone, and you go work on yourself and your harmful behaviour. In private. Make amends by changing yourself."
Wherever you stand on this debate, one thing is for sure - the woman in question is undoubtedly in the wrong. It is up to her now to find some way to atone for her wrongdoing, and to reveal the truth in the least hurtful, and traumatising way.
