Great news, everyone! TMZ has solved the mystery of which actress bit Beyoncé's face. Now it's only a matter of time before she puts on a flowing marigold gown and 'lemonades' her car with a baseball bat.
In case you're out of the loop on this story, let me catch you up, so you can really sink your teeth in. During an interview with GQ, comedian and actress Tiffany Haddish told a story about meeting Queen Bee at a party. She said another actress there was "doing the mostest" and "bit Beyoncé in the face." In response, the singer grabbed her husband, Jay-Z, and stormed away. "They went to the back of the room," says Haddish. "I was like, 'What just happened? And Beyoncé's friend walked up and was like, 'Can you believe this bitch just bit Beyoncé?'"
As the party went on, Haddish and the unnamed biter continued to cross paths. When Beyoncé and Jay-Z walked by, Haddish tapped B on the back, and said, "I'm going to beat somebody ass at your party. I just want to let you know that." Beyoncé asked her not to, and told her to "have fun" instead. The comedian leveraged the moment into getting a selfie - which is everyone's dream - and as you can see, Beyoncé is hiding half of her face.
Later that night, Haddish ran into the superstar again, and she confirmed she was bitten. Once again, the Girls Trip star offered to 'beat somebody ass', but her generous offer was declined. "[Beyoncé] was like,'Tiffany, no. Don't do that, That bitch is on drugs. She not even drunk. The bitcch is on drugs. She not like that all the time. Just chill,'" said Haddish.
Upon hearing this story, everyone on the Internet turned into detectives, and tried to figure out the identity of the biter. The guest list for that party included three other actresses, who immediately became the prime suspects: pop star and Ocean's 8 actress Rihanna, 90210 actress Sara Foster, and Shots Fired actress Sanaa Lathan. The Internet decided the culprit couldn't be Rihanna, because come on, she's Rihanna, a sorcerer who can walk over grates in heels without falling over. Also, she's primarily a singer. That leaves two suspects: Foster and Lathan.
Foster received an email from a journalist, asking if she was the biter. On Instagram, she shared a screenshot of the inquiry, with the amused caption, "Flattering that anyone thinks I could get this close to Beyoncé."
That leaves Lathan, who responded on Twitter, writing, "Y’all are funny. Under no circumstances did I bite Beyonce and if I did it would’ve been a love bite."
Desperate for answers, Twitter users started guessing random celebrities, even if they might not have been at the party. Was it, say, Empire star Taraji P. Henson? Tiffany Haddish said, "No, it wasn't."
Then, just when all the leads dried up, there was a breakthrough in the case. Vulture Magazine received an email from someone who attended one of Haddish's stand-up comedy shows. She told the Beyoncé story again, and added one important detail. The unnamed actress had once dated rapper French Montana.
Now, we finally have an answer. TMZ reports that multiple sources have confirmed the identity of the female celebrity who bit Beyoncé: It was...(drumroll, please)...Sanaa Lathan, the Internet's leading suspect! One source added, "it was not an aggressive bite...it was playful and noninvasive, but still caught Beyonce off guard." Uh, yeah, bites on the face tend to do that. And just in case there was any doubt, Lathan fits all the criteria: She's an actress, she was at the party, and she once dated French Montana. Also, she's good enough friends with Beyonce to not get kicked out of the party afterward. Here's a photo of the two from 2008:
Lothan hasn't responded beyond her initial tweet, which said "if I did it would’ve been a love bite." So we'll just have to take her word that it was a love bite gone wrong. (On the upside, maybe now she can book a role on The Walking Dead!)
Anyway, Lothan, you better just admit to your crime, apologize, and beg for forgiveness. If you don't, you're not going to like what Beyoncé does to your car.