Man praised for refusing to tell his mother not to wear white to his wedding

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By Kim Novak

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A man has been praised online after he revealed that he refused to tell his mother not to wear white to his wedding, despite his fiancée's insistence that he did.

Weddings can be one of the happiest days in a couple's life, as they profess their love for one another in front of all of their family and friends.

However, there's many things that can go wrong, from suppliers letting you down on the day to losing the rings, but one thing is usually a given - that only the bride wears white.

One groom-to-be revealed that despite his bride's fears her mother-in-law would also decide to wear white, he would not be having that conversation with his mom - leaving his fiancée "stressed".

The man opened up about his fiancée's request ahead of their wedding. Credit: Luke Chan/Getty Images

The unnamed man took to Reddit's 'Am I The A**hole' forum to ask if he was in the wrong, explaining that his wedding is due to take place in two months' time, to the "love of his life", who he named 'Claire'.

He revealed that his mom is "not a big fan" of Claire, and the feeling is mutual, with his fiancée admitting to "not liking" his mother, but claims his mom hasn't actually done anything wrong, adding: "I watch carefully for any actual disrespect, but unfortunately I can't make them like each other."

The man added that Claire was upset that her mother-in-law hasn't got her outfit for the wedding yet, despite Claire's own mom having had hers "picked for months" after the two of them went shopping, adding: "My mom keeps saying she hasn't had time yet which has been stressing Claire, as she is a huge perfectionist who hates leaving anything until the last moment."

And while two months should be ample time for someone to find a nice outfit for a wedding, things came to a head after Claire began to worry that her husband-to-be's mother might end up wearing white.

"Claire admits she has been super stressed and wedding obsessed lately. She recently came to me and said she was concerned my mom wanted to wear white," he revealed. "I asked why and she said because 'why else wouldn't she have a dress yet.'"

He continued: "I pointed out that we all know my mom is lazy, and a touch selfish. When she says she is too busy we both know she means skiing and hanging out with her boyfriend, not actually busy, but she has done nothing to indicate she would show up like that. She's a pretty chill person and hasn't done anything to Claire."

Claire then responded to say she felt like he was "implying she was paranoid", to which he admitted he felt like "the wedding stress was getting to her".

The bride admitted that it was, but asked him if he would talk to his mother, to which he responded that he would remind her that she needs to find an outfit to wear.

"Claire asked if I would specifically talk to her about the fear of wearing white. I thought about it for a minute and said I wasn't comfortable doing that when she has given us no reason to think she would," he added.

"Claire got annoyed and said she was being a s***ty future mother in law by not having her dress and I need to stop worrying about my mom's feelings and worry more about hers. That made me feel like s**t, because up until this point I felt I have only been prioritizing her feelings," he concluded.

'Claire' was concerned that her mother-in-law would also turn up in white. Credit: Yellow Dog Productions/Getty Images

People in the comments were quick to voice their support for the groom, writing: "NTA [Not the a**hole]. Claire can chill out or continue to work herself into a frenzy, her choice.

"If you tell your mother that she needs to buy a dress ASAP because she has surpassed Claire’s made up deadline for a MIL to purchase a MOG dress, you will be contributing to the animosity between them. If you 'remind' mom that she shouldn’t chose a white dress or something that looks bridal, you will be contributing to the animosity between them. You can assure Claire that when your mother chooses a dress, you’ll let her know and that if mom shows up in something inappropriate at the wedding, you’ll send her home to change."

Another added: "The wedding is months out. Not everyone plans their attire months ahead of time. Hopefully Claire will calm down after the wedding. This sounds stressful. NTA."

Someone else wrote: "NTA. I get why Claire’s stressed about this, but I think she’s also in the wrong. Just because the wedding is the highest priority in her life right now, that doesn’t mean the same is true for others, including your mom.

"Ideally, mom would put some thought & attention into it, since her child is one of the people getting married, but she doesn’t have to make it the be-all end-all of her life, either. If she’s not giving off any other danger signals, I wouldn’t worry about her secretly plotting to ruin the wedding.

"Edit: I am a little concerned about how Claire’s treating you over this, though. Is this typical behavior for her? Does she ever prioritize your feelings about the wedding (or anything, really)?"

His refusal to tell his mother not to wear white was causing tension between them. Credit: bymuratdeniz/Getty Images

One added: "NTA - Is it a thing for the bride to give a s**t about what the mother of the groom is wearing? When I got married, I knew my MIL would wear a nice dress/outfit, but I left it completely up to her as to what she would wear and when she would buy it. I can't imagine policing her behaviour - she was and is a grown woman perfectly capable of going shopping... Unless British weddings are inherently different from what I assume is an America wedding, your fiance seems a bit paranoid."

Someone pointed out: "NTA - Despite the click bait and crazy stories you see on the internet, normal people don't behave like that at weddings. Weddings happen every day where everyone dresses appropriately without needing to be told basic (in this case western) etiquette. If your MIL has never given you guys a reason to think she would pull a stunt like that, implying to her face that you think she would, is rude. Unless your MIL has unique proportions and needs to get her clothing tailored, there's no reason the dress needs to be planned in advance."

One warned the groom that his wife-to-be appeared to be a red flag, writing: "NTA 'Claire got annoyed and said she was being a s***ty future mother in law by not having her dress'. Your future wife sounds like a peach, I wonder why your mom isn't a fan.. 2 months is plenty of time for your mom to find a dress- she can buy something off the rack, it's not like it's the bride or bridesmaid dresses that often need to be ordered ahead. Your wife is really stressing out over a non-issue and I think it's especially because she doesn't like your mom."

Who do you think is in the wrong? Let us know in the comments.

Featured image credit: Yellow Dog Productions/Getty Images

 

Man praised for refusing to tell his mother not to wear white to his wedding

vt-author-image

By Kim Novak

Article saved!Article saved!

A man has been praised online after he revealed that he refused to tell his mother not to wear white to his wedding, despite his fiancée's insistence that he did.

Weddings can be one of the happiest days in a couple's life, as they profess their love for one another in front of all of their family and friends.

However, there's many things that can go wrong, from suppliers letting you down on the day to losing the rings, but one thing is usually a given - that only the bride wears white.

One groom-to-be revealed that despite his bride's fears her mother-in-law would also decide to wear white, he would not be having that conversation with his mom - leaving his fiancée "stressed".

The man opened up about his fiancée's request ahead of their wedding. Credit: Luke Chan/Getty Images

The unnamed man took to Reddit's 'Am I The A**hole' forum to ask if he was in the wrong, explaining that his wedding is due to take place in two months' time, to the "love of his life", who he named 'Claire'.

He revealed that his mom is "not a big fan" of Claire, and the feeling is mutual, with his fiancée admitting to "not liking" his mother, but claims his mom hasn't actually done anything wrong, adding: "I watch carefully for any actual disrespect, but unfortunately I can't make them like each other."

The man added that Claire was upset that her mother-in-law hasn't got her outfit for the wedding yet, despite Claire's own mom having had hers "picked for months" after the two of them went shopping, adding: "My mom keeps saying she hasn't had time yet which has been stressing Claire, as she is a huge perfectionist who hates leaving anything until the last moment."

And while two months should be ample time for someone to find a nice outfit for a wedding, things came to a head after Claire began to worry that her husband-to-be's mother might end up wearing white.

"Claire admits she has been super stressed and wedding obsessed lately. She recently came to me and said she was concerned my mom wanted to wear white," he revealed. "I asked why and she said because 'why else wouldn't she have a dress yet.'"

He continued: "I pointed out that we all know my mom is lazy, and a touch selfish. When she says she is too busy we both know she means skiing and hanging out with her boyfriend, not actually busy, but she has done nothing to indicate she would show up like that. She's a pretty chill person and hasn't done anything to Claire."

Claire then responded to say she felt like he was "implying she was paranoid", to which he admitted he felt like "the wedding stress was getting to her".

The bride admitted that it was, but asked him if he would talk to his mother, to which he responded that he would remind her that she needs to find an outfit to wear.

"Claire asked if I would specifically talk to her about the fear of wearing white. I thought about it for a minute and said I wasn't comfortable doing that when she has given us no reason to think she would," he added.

"Claire got annoyed and said she was being a s***ty future mother in law by not having her dress and I need to stop worrying about my mom's feelings and worry more about hers. That made me feel like s**t, because up until this point I felt I have only been prioritizing her feelings," he concluded.

'Claire' was concerned that her mother-in-law would also turn up in white. Credit: Yellow Dog Productions/Getty Images

People in the comments were quick to voice their support for the groom, writing: "NTA [Not the a**hole]. Claire can chill out or continue to work herself into a frenzy, her choice.

"If you tell your mother that she needs to buy a dress ASAP because she has surpassed Claire’s made up deadline for a MIL to purchase a MOG dress, you will be contributing to the animosity between them. If you 'remind' mom that she shouldn’t chose a white dress or something that looks bridal, you will be contributing to the animosity between them. You can assure Claire that when your mother chooses a dress, you’ll let her know and that if mom shows up in something inappropriate at the wedding, you’ll send her home to change."

Another added: "The wedding is months out. Not everyone plans their attire months ahead of time. Hopefully Claire will calm down after the wedding. This sounds stressful. NTA."

Someone else wrote: "NTA. I get why Claire’s stressed about this, but I think she’s also in the wrong. Just because the wedding is the highest priority in her life right now, that doesn’t mean the same is true for others, including your mom.

"Ideally, mom would put some thought & attention into it, since her child is one of the people getting married, but she doesn’t have to make it the be-all end-all of her life, either. If she’s not giving off any other danger signals, I wouldn’t worry about her secretly plotting to ruin the wedding.

"Edit: I am a little concerned about how Claire’s treating you over this, though. Is this typical behavior for her? Does she ever prioritize your feelings about the wedding (or anything, really)?"

His refusal to tell his mother not to wear white was causing tension between them. Credit: bymuratdeniz/Getty Images

One added: "NTA - Is it a thing for the bride to give a s**t about what the mother of the groom is wearing? When I got married, I knew my MIL would wear a nice dress/outfit, but I left it completely up to her as to what she would wear and when she would buy it. I can't imagine policing her behaviour - she was and is a grown woman perfectly capable of going shopping... Unless British weddings are inherently different from what I assume is an America wedding, your fiance seems a bit paranoid."

Someone pointed out: "NTA - Despite the click bait and crazy stories you see on the internet, normal people don't behave like that at weddings. Weddings happen every day where everyone dresses appropriately without needing to be told basic (in this case western) etiquette. If your MIL has never given you guys a reason to think she would pull a stunt like that, implying to her face that you think she would, is rude. Unless your MIL has unique proportions and needs to get her clothing tailored, there's no reason the dress needs to be planned in advance."

One warned the groom that his wife-to-be appeared to be a red flag, writing: "NTA 'Claire got annoyed and said she was being a s***ty future mother in law by not having her dress'. Your future wife sounds like a peach, I wonder why your mom isn't a fan.. 2 months is plenty of time for your mom to find a dress- she can buy something off the rack, it's not like it's the bride or bridesmaid dresses that often need to be ordered ahead. Your wife is really stressing out over a non-issue and I think it's especially because she doesn't like your mom."

Who do you think is in the wrong? Let us know in the comments.

Featured image credit: Yellow Dog Productions/Getty Images