Relationships4 min(s) read
Published 15:27 13 May 2026 GMT
A former sex worker turned certified sexologist has opened up about the hidden reasons many married men cheat on their partners, claiming it often has far less to do with sex than people may assume.
According to some studies, around 20% of men admit to infidelity, tapping into the rhetoric around married males being cheats.
During an unreserved interview on the Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu podcast, Carol Osborne, was asked why men in committed relationships would pay for intimacy they supposedly already had at home.
“What on earth were they coming to you for that they couldn’t get at home?” the host asked.
According to the former escort, many men initially believed they simply wanted a physical experience, but deeper emotional issues quickly surfaced.
“Men would come to me thinking that they just wanted to get their rocks off,” she explained. “And what would be revealed pretty quickly was that they weren’t being seen or acknowledged or witnessed for their full selves.”
The former sex worker claimed many clients felt emotionally unheard in their marriages and private lives, leading them to open up to her in ways they never would with a spouse, friend, or even a therapist.
“They would end up sharing things with me that they would never tell a spouse, a partner, a best friend, a conventional therapist,” she said.
The former sex worker also argued that many men feel trapped by expectations surrounding masculinity, from always needing to appear strong and stoic to constantly being expected to want sex.
“So much of that is rooted in performance,” she said, adding that men often feel pressure around “being masculine and being stoic and providing.”
Behind closed doors, however, she claimed the reality was much more emotionally complicated.
“There were men that were so deeply in love with their wives,” she explained, “but their wives weren’t having sex with them and they would try to bring it up… and they were just being met with rejection across the board.”
She went on to compare sexual rejection for men to emotional invalidation for women.
“Rejection there for a man is the equivalent of women’s emotions being totally rejected and minimized,” Osborne said.
The coach argued that many couples struggle because they simply lack the emotional language to discuss intimacy honestly. According to her, repeated rejection without communication can slowly create resentment and emotional distance.
“They didn’t have the lexicon and the language around being able to communicate with their partners,” she explained. “Most people don’t.”
Eventually, she claimed, couples can fall into what she described as a painful “gridlock,” where neither partner fully understands the other’s unmet needs.
The former escort was also critical of traditional couples therapy, claiming that very few therapists are specifically trained in sexuality or intimacy issues.
“Less than 14% of therapists are trained in anything to do with sexuality,” Osborne added.
She argued that some couples leave therapy feeling even more ashamed, particularly if they’re told things like, “You should have duty sex,” or “you should not expect to have sex with your partner.”
According to her, this unresolved shame can quietly grow over time until one partner emotionally checks out of the relationship.
She described the process as “silent atrophy,” explaining that some people begin accepting unhappiness as normal.
“This is as good as it gets,” she said, describing the mindset that can develop. “So I’m going to keep the cookie cutter relationship over here and I’m going to go over here to get this need met.”
Now working as a sexologist, she says her goal is helping men communicate openly before secrecy or infidelity becomes part of the relationship.
“What my work is rooted in now is finding ways for men to start telling the truth and communicating and disclosing parts of themselves without blowing up their marriage or without having to go to the sex worker,” she explained.
She also made a provocative claim about modern relationships, saying: “A man’s yearning for freedom is the same as a woman’s for commitment. Neither of them have anything to do with love.”
