When you're dating someone, and you both have busy schedules, it can be difficult to to find time for dinner, let alone a night of passionate lovemaking. We all have needs, and every spare minute is precious, so it helps to be blunt. Hence the term "d*ck appointment" - aka, when you book a time to have sex with a man.
Twitter user @baby_b0ne texted her boyfriend, "hello, i would like to make a dick appointment. do you have anything available?" He replied, "Why yes, looks like I have every spot open ever for you." On Twitter, a screenshot of the sweet, funny conversation went viral, inspiring a meme.
In the caption, @baby_b0ne challenged the internet: "text ur significant other asking what dick appointments they have available and reply to this post with their responses." And boy, did the internet deliver. The tweet received more than 53,000 likes, and several hilarious replies. Here are the highlights!
"IM F****ING DEADDDD LMAO"
The patient appears quite thirsty
We all have priorities
"WAIT HAHHHh I’m DEAD AF"
That escalated quickly
Customers beware
Always be professional
"in need for a new man, this is UNACCEPTABLE"
It's hard to beat that last one (pun intended), but feel free to try!
I'm off the opinion that people should be taught dating etiquette in school, because frankly there are a hell of a lot of people out there who just don't seem to get it. They don't have a clue about how to behave, and exhibit the kind of behaviour that would be spoilt and obnoxious even in a four-year-old-child, let alone a fully grown adult.
Something about dating just seems to bring out the worst in people, and I'm sure we can all remember a date that we went on with good intentions that turned out to be a total car crash. But if you want an example of some serious entitlement, then look no further.
Recently, a young woman named Amanda Burnett, a nurse who hails from Chicago, Illinois, took to Twitter to share her story of a cringeworthy encounter with a guy who was either very offended or else, just super-stingy. Amanda had been on a dinner date with this dude a few days previously, but unfortunately for her, the sparks just weren't flying.
However, rather than reject him straight away, Amanda elected to simply ghost him instead. She stopped answering his calls, and hoped that he would take a hint and cease with the unwarranted advances. Big mistake.
On April 3. Amanda received an invoice (that's right, an invoice: you read that correctly) from the dude in the mail, which charged her in full for her portion of the meal. As you can see from the image above, which she posted to Twitter, the letter did indeed look very official, and all told, he believed that Amanda owed him around $40.
Yup, I think this guy thinks he's entitled to sex, and that now he's missing out on it he wants his money back. Sorry man; I'm afraid it doesn't work that way.
In her initial tweet, Amanda stated: "I’m posting this on Twitter bc it can prob go viral honestly. Got this in the mail from a guy I went on a date with a few weeks back because I didn’t text him back." But that wasn't the end of the story.
The hapless suitor then texted Amanda, and like some kind of loan shark, asked her to pay him back immediately so she would incur "penalty fines." Wow; way to make yourself look even less attractive. As you can see below, Amanda was having none of it, and told him exactly where he could stick his invoice.
However, I think there is a lesson to be learned here, which is that being ghosted sucks for everyone involved. I'm not saying that it excuses this kind of behaviour, but maybe Amanda should have thought about letting her amorous date down gently, instead of giving him the cold shoulder. Still, I'm pretty confident that she's never going to fork over that $40. I'm not sure I would either.
A woman has taken to social media to share a message her first date sent her after it was actually intended for his friends.
Revealing the faux pas on TikTok, Molly - who uses the handle '@Mollyhair' on the platform - revealed that she was supposed to be meeting the guy for their first date, when she suddenly received the blunt message.
Molly captioned the post: "Chivalry is alive", adding "I was on my way to a first date and this happened."
At first, Molly had received a regular message from the guy asking if she was at the venue. However, in his second message, his choice of words was far from romantic.
Check out Molly's first video below:
In a text meant for his friend, the guy wrote: "Waiting on this c***. I took a pinch for confidence." However, the guy immediately clocked his error, and hesitantly responded: "Omg I was joking with a buddy I'm just going to leave" - followed by two 'face palm' emojis.
A seemingly shocked Molly then asks: "What? Am I the c***?"
To which her date replies: "Omg I don't really think that at all I joke too much I say s**t like that just to say it." He then adds: "I completely understand if this is over."
Understandably, the message cost him his date with Molly, as she told him: "Yeah to be honest I'm not really comfortable meeting anymore. I just don't really feel like it's okay to call women that even as a joke and I kind of see it as a red flag sorry! [sic]"
The defeated guy then says: "I'm sorry sorry sorry but I get it."
Check out part two below:
In a follow-up video (above), Molly reveals that the guy did apologize profusely for the blunder -which she did accept, but did not meet up with him again.
He then attempted to message her months later with a simple: "Hey".
The original post has since amassed over 4.7 million views, with people in agreement that Molly had done the right thing, with one person joking: "He helped you dodge his own bullet."
Credit: TikTok
Credit: TikTok
And a second added: "Men say the most vile things about women in front of their male friends. I'm glad you responded this way. Hopefully he learned something!"
However, Australian TikTok users hilariously couldn't see the issue:
Credit - Reddit @Thatguy9211[/caption]
Ah, dating. That nightmarish experience where we try as hard as possible to hide who we really are from someone in the hopes of coming across really cool and not seeming like a goofy idiot. Then one day you meet someone who, right from the off, makes you feel able to indulge in all your worst, stupidest, goofiest habits right from the off, even if it means staging ridiculous pranks that would annoy most people.
The best relationships start when you've finally found someone with the same sense of humor as you, who accepts you even when you're at your stupidest. These 30 boyfriends have staged ridiculous stunts that, yes, could be seen as irritating or attention-seeking or just plain dumb from a certain light, but also show that these must be some really fun relationships to be in!
[post_page_title]#1 This Bit Of Misdirected DIY[/post_page_title]
The girlfriend who took this picture was very excited at first because her boyfriend had said he was going to make a bed frame. She naturally assumed it was so they could sleep together in a handmade bed.
[caption id="attachment_4580" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @julcarls[/caption]
Turns out he just wanted the cat to have somewhere nice to lie down.
[post_page_title]#2 This Big Night In With The Dog[/post_page_title]
This guy was left looking after the dog for the weekend and told to send his girlfriend updates on how it was going. This was the first picture he sent.
[caption id="attachment_4581" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @eric72goblue[/caption]
I sure hope he allowed for at least an afternoon to tidy up before she got back. It looks like it was one hell of a party.
[post_page_title]#3 This Guy Photobombing His Own Wedding Photo[/post_page_title]
Wedding photos can be very formal, serious things, and that's understandable - a lot of money and planning goes into weddings, and you want the photos to be just right. This guy isn't bothered and has decided to just be himself.
[caption id="attachment_4582" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @Thatguy9211[/caption]
Personally, I think all wedding photos should have this much silliness in them. I think this is great.
[post_page_title]#4 This Unusual Christmas Lights Display[/post_page_title]
This guy's wife had been getting upset that their house didn't look very festive and saying they should put some lights up. This is what he decided to install on the front of their house.
[caption id="attachment_4583" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @OpticDream[/caption]
To be fair, it's hard to get around every single chimney in the world without stopping for a toilet break at some point.
[post_page_title]#5 This Inventive Use Of Candles[/post_page_title]
This guy obviously put so much time into making a tasty-looking birthday cake that he forgot to check if they had the right candles to mark his girlfriend's 39th birthday.
[caption id="attachment_4584" align="aligncenter" width="800"]
Credit - Reddit @Kwantumflux[/caption]
His quick-thinking maths is impressive, though, as he manages to find a solution just with what he has to hand.
[post_page_title]#6 This Baby's Facial Adornments[/post_page_title]
This guy was left in charge of the baby while his wife was away and was asked to send a picture of him to show he was ok.
[caption id="attachment_4585" align="aligncenter" width="800"]
Credit - Reddit @damnItIan[/caption]
The baby had finally fallen asleep by the time he took the picture, but he wanted to give an impression of what he'd been like up until that point.
[post_page_title]#7 This Tinder-Chat Blanket[/post_page_title]
This guy has come up with one of the most over-the-top, and one of the sweetest, anniversary presents ever. To celebrate one year of marriage to his wife, he gets their first-ever conversation on Tinder printed onto a big blanket.
[caption id="attachment_4586" align="aligncenter" width="800"]
Credit - Reddit @TeenageTeenwolf[/caption]
There's just hope there's nothing too X-rated in there that any guests or visiting family members would object to seeing!
[post_page_title]#8 This Guy Posing With His Cat[/post_page_title]
This guy has such a close bond with his girlfriend's cat that they're able to mimic one another's expressions and do synchronized photoshoots together.
[caption id="attachment_4587" align="aligncenter" width="800"]
Credit - Reddit @Arsenicyellow[/caption]
I just hope he's also this emotionally tuned-in to his girlfriend herself and not just to her cat.
[post_page_title]#9 This Car Seat Replacement[/post_page_title]
This guy had to drive his toddler to the babysitter's house, but he realized too late that his wife had left with the car seat. When she asked how he was going to resolve the problem, he sent her this...
[caption id="attachment_4588" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @Big-D_OdoubleG[/caption]
And then turned his phone off for 4 hours. I hope she saw the funny side of it!
[post_page_title]#10 This Ill-Advised Gag[/post_page_title]
This is certainly a well-written gag and one you've got to appreciate once you get over how mean it is.
[caption id="attachment_4589" align="aligncenter" width="800"]
Credit - Twitter @she_oops[/caption]
The best relationships are the ones where you know one another well enough to be this mean, I reckon.
[post_page_title]#11 This Dog Burial[/post_page_title]
This guy decided to take his girlfriend's dog to the beach for some quality time together and even went to the effort of sending her photos of all the fun they were having together.
[caption id="attachment_4590" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @AlexanderTheGr347[/caption]
My favorite thing about this is how utterly resigned to its fate the poor dog seems to be.
[post_page_title]#12 This Failed Family Photo[/post_page_title]
This guy was taking a family photo of his wife and daughters and told a naff "Dad Joke" to get them to smile, prompting these expressions...
[caption id="attachment_4591" align="aligncenter" width="800"]
Credit - Reddit @Tio76[/caption]
Obviously, some of his family appreciate his sense of humor more than others!
[post_page_title]#13 This Toast Origami[/post_page_title]
When you're sick, the one thing you want is for someone to just kindly go and fetch you what you want. Even better if they do it and incorporate a high-effort, low-return pun into the proceedings too.
[caption id="attachment_4592" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @bonjourdebbie[/caption]
I'm having trouble working out how those pieces combine to form a whole slice. There are some extra bits unaccounted for, right? Or is it just me?
[post_page_title]#14 This List Of Reasons For Crying[/post_page_title]
Some people are just very tuned into their emotions, and it doesn't take much to set them off. This guy decided to keep a record of everything that made his girlfriend cry, and it's quite the read.
[caption id="attachment_4593" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @TechnicallyRon_[/caption]
I'm with her on the videos of dogs thing, to be honest. I'm in bits if I even see a dog. Lovely things.
[post_page_title]#15 This Age-Appropriate Game Of Risk[/post_page_title]
This guy was left alone with the kids for the first time and was asked by his wife to send a picture of them to show how they were doing. This is what he sent...
[caption id="attachment_4594" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @johnsbuffalo[/caption]
Looks like all four teams have fairly equal control of the board at the moment, so the babies are doing very well for their first game.
[post_page_title]#16 This Guy Trying To Get Out Of Shopping[/post_page_title]
Everyone's ended up having to tag along on an unwanted shopping trip at some point, whether with a parent or a partner or whatever. Not everyone has found it so terrible that they've had to resort to outside help to get out of it like this guy, though.
[caption id="attachment_4595" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @DudeDad[/caption]
I wonder if he got picked up by anyone and hitch-hiked his way out of there?
[post_page_title]#17 This Incredible Christmas Outfit[/post_page_title]
This guy was told by his wife to dress up for a professional family Christmas photo shoot. I imagine she was thinking of a general smart-casual vibe with perhaps a festive twist. He was thinking of this...
[caption id="attachment_4596" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @Darzin[/caption]
It's a strong look, but hey, if you can't wear it for a professional Christmas photoshoot, there's literally no time you can ever wear it, so good on him.
[post_page_title]#18 This Gender Reveal Cake[/post_page_title]
Gender reveal parties are an odd recent fad, but the dad-to-be who went and got this cake made at least seems to understand that they're inherently a bit silly and has certainly gone with that vibe for the message.
[caption id="attachment_4597" align="aligncenter" width="800"]
Credit - Reddit @Lemongrass29[/caption]
I wonder if there were any more elderly relatives here to celebrate the imminent arrival of their grandchildren who found this less funny than others?
[post_page_title]#19 These Herb Puns[/post_page_title]
This guy decided to be helpful by labeling some of his wife's herbs. But rather than give in to boring tradition by just labeling them with their names, he's decided to incorporate some excellent puns.
[caption id="attachment_4598" align="aligncenter" width="800"]
Credit - Reddit @whit1and[/caption]
I'm sure he mint no harm by it.
[post_page_title]#20 This Tree Topper[/post_page_title]
This guy's fiancee was worried their Christmas tree was a bit too serious and drab and told him to find a more fun, festive tree topper to take the edge off. This is what he came up with.
[caption id="attachment_4599" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @katlikeafox[/caption]
A total failure, as far as I'm concerned. This bit of King Kong is very dramatic and emotional and not funny or silly at all. What was he thinking?
[post_page_title]#21 This Goat-in-the-Bed[/post_page_title]
This picture was taken by a woman who was woken by her husband late at night texting her and saying: "Wake up or I'm bringing the goats inside!" She ignored the text and went back to sleep and then was woken by this...
[caption id="attachment_4600" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @whitedragonatx[/caption]
There must be more context to this story that explains it. They must have had a pet goat in the garden, right? Surely. Or did the husband steal a goat? It's an odd one, this.
[post_page_title]#22 This Letter From Santa[/post_page_title]
This dad was charged with writing the letter from Santa that the kids would discover on Christmas morning but realized halfway through that there's not much point in him writing anything that specific.
[caption id="attachment_4601" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @SirSilksalot[/caption]
A fair point well made.
[post_page_title]#23 This Sabotaged Anniversary Message[/post_page_title]
This guy's wife put the message "We Still Do" on this board to celebrate their 13-year anniversary, and posted a picture of it to Instagram before noticing that he'd added an extra word while she wasn't looking.
[caption id="attachment_4602" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @PM_ME_WITH_A_SMILE[/caption]
I hope it was a good long time before she noticed and that this picture was out there on Instagram causing maximum mischief before she realized.
[post_page_title]#24 These Stockings With Ulterior Motives[/post_page_title]
This husband, whose name is Ian, was very insistent that he and his wife's new puppy be given its own stocking on Christmas Day. She thought it was a very sweet idea, until she realized his actual reason for pushing for it.
[caption id="attachment_4603" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @alymac95[/caption]
I wonder if marrying someone whose name begins with A was simply Stage 1 of his masterplan?
[post_page_title]#25 This Burrito Girlfriend[/post_page_title]
When their classes were canceled due to arctic weather conditions, this guy decided to make a boring day in a bit more interesting by wrapping his girlfriend up like a burrito and feeding her mozzarella sticks.
[caption id="attachment_4604" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
looks
Credit - Reddit @goodlittleguy[/caption]
She looks happy, but I do hope she was on-board with all of this, otherwise it'd be a horrific thing to be subjected to.
[post_page_title]#26 This Escaped Spider Prank[/post_page_title]
This guy played a prank on his arachnophobe wife by leaving this rather unpleasant surprise for her at the end of the day.
[caption id="attachment_4605" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit[/caption]
Fingers crossed it didn't send her into a total panic.
[post_page_title]#27 This Parkinsons Prank[/post_page_title]
This guy, after being diagnosed with Parkinson's, managed to find the funny side of his illness by sending out this as his Christmas letter to his friends.
[caption id="attachment_4606" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @akiro27[/caption]
The little sticker from his wife explaining the joke just makes it extra adorable, I reckon.
[post_page_title]#28 This Bug Prank[/post_page_title]
This guy's girlfriend had recently had a bug problem in her apartment. One night, when they were drinking together, and she had got quite drunk, he decided to do this while she had gone to the toilet.
[caption id="attachment_4607" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @ketchuppacket[/caption]
This is one of those real "Could be hilarious or could end the relationship" pranks, so fingers crossed it went well for him!
[post_page_title]#29 This Horrific Pie[/post_page_title]
This guy was asked by his wife to cut vents in the turkey pie she was baking to let the air circulate through it. This is what he did...
[caption id="attachment_4608" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @FillsYourNiche[/caption]
It's one of the most horrible things I've ever seen. I feel like someone needs to kill the poor thing to put it out of its misery.
[post_page_title]#30 This Photoshoot[/post_page_title]
This guy grew a mustache his girlfriend really hated and was told he had to shave it off. He did, but only after saying goodbye to it with a professional photo shoot with his dog.
[caption id="attachment_4609" align="aligncenter" width="600"]
Credit - Reddit @sapperdanman[/caption]
To be fair, in this context the mustache does look pretty good. But it's a fairly specific context, I suppose.
"Hey Mom, how did you meet Dad?" "He sent me an unsolicited photo of his junk on Tinder." You don't hear that conversation very often. Yet men continue trying to seduce women by sending pictures of their schlongs - "pelfies," if you will. Sure, every woman in the past found it disgusting, and it was a total conversation-killer, but maybe this time it'll work!
Whenever women check their text messages, the forecast is sunny, with a 50% chance of dick pics. Some know exactly how to do deal with creepy, disrespectful messages, and have delivered some brutal clapbacks. For example, one young woman received an unsolicited pelfie, and then sent it to the guy's grandma. Then she sent a text explaining that she was "reeling" from the "deplorable" image, and wanted to "prevent it from happening to anyone else."
If you think regular women get a lot of junk mail - in the form of male junk - just imagine what it's like for porn stars. Since they have sex in their line of work, most men don't have any inhibitions about sending them sexual images. Adult entertainer Ginger Banks is sick and tired of seeing D's in her DM's, so she came up with a genius response.
On Twitter, Ginger shared a screenshot of an exchange she had with a harasser. After he sent the lewd photo, she responded, "Did you just me a picture of a child penis?" He replied, "WTF no. What's wrong with U." She texted back, "It looks like a child penis. I'm reporting it." Then she sent a screenshot of the CyberTipline Report, threatening to report him for child pornography.
The exchange is hilarious. Ginger mocks the size of his penis, totally emasculating him. Then she scares the hell out of him by threatening to report him for child pornography. Twitter users loved her response, sharing hilarious stock responses of their own.
Other Twitter users pointed out she didn't actually report him. She just threatened to report him. (Filing a false report would be abusing the tip line.)
Well, as long as men keep sending women unsolicited images of their junk, women will keep coming up with hilarious, brutal responses shutting them down. But what are we supposed to do, stop sending explicit images? I don't think so. Next time it's definitely going to work.
Text messages have changed the way we communicate, but it hasn't made anything less awkward. We've all had those moments where you don't know if someone is sarcastic, or you see that your friend "read" your message but didn't respond (WHY?!), or Siri accidentally texts your crush "Will you ever text me?" (Okay, that situation is more rare, but it happened to one woman.)
Today most people would rather text than talk, which means that arguments can turn into essay battles. Each party rambles, pouring their heart out, dropping blocks of blue and gray text like the saddest game of Tetris. When you're typing, it's easier to articulate your thoughts, but the responses - and non-responses - can be frustrating. Luckily, they can also be hilarious.
Twitter user @XOashh_ shared a screenshot of a text conversation with her boyfriend. "I send this 3 page essay to my bf in a argument [and] this is what he texts back," she wrote.
As you tell from the screenshot, she went an epic rant, filling the screen with at least six huge paragraphs. The words are redacted with red hearts (just like the FBI does), so we don't know exactly what her meltdown was about. But it's clearly pretty intense stuff, warranting a thoughtful response from her romantic partner.. However, her boyfriend wrote back a six word non-sequitur: "Jc penny have 2$ big towels."
The Twitter-verse found his random response hilarious. I mean, we've all gotten flat, lackluster replies before, like "ok" or "cool" or "ok cool." But mentioning a sale on big towels at JC Penney is so weirdly specific.
Someone asked @XOashh_ if they had been arguing about towels - the color, the fabric and the size. How big is big? One person’s big could be a medium! And is there such a thing as too big? Unfortunately, this was not the case.
Many people asked if the sale is still happening. It is a pretty good price. $2 for a small or medium towel is a ripoff, but for a big towel, that is a steal.
The conversation ends here, so we don't know how she responded to that towel sale text. Maybe she brutally clapped back, or maybe she sent a crying-laughing emojii, or maybe she hopped in the car and drove to JC Penney to take advantage of that sweet ass sale.
I like to think that the boyfriend made the perfect response, and that the text message is a metaphor. JC Penny represents the world. The big towels represent their love; soft, but tough, a comfort when you’re at your most vulnerable. The two dollars represents them as a couple. They've had their troubles, but they shouldn’t throw on the towel.
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