Relationships2 min(s) read
Published 12:00 16 May 2026 GMT
The famous “honeymoon” period at the start of a relationship often has two loving partners infatuated with one another. The emotional vulnerability, the desire for the other’s affection, and the sex — these are just some of the aspects that make up this exciting stage in the lifespan of love.
But over time, for many couples, that intensity begins to diminish. While people often blame the loss of novelty, therapists say the reality is much more nuanced.
Relationship and sex therapist Briony Montgomery explained to Body+Soul that feeling completely secure with a partner can actually sometimes reduce sexual desire rather than strengthen it.
In the early stages of a romantic connection, the nervous system is fueled by uncertainty, adrenaline, and anticipation. Once the relationship becomes stable, that emotional intensity can disappear too.
“When your body is constantly scanning for what might go wrong, it’s very difficult to drop into pleasure,” Montgomery said. Ironically, once the sense of danger or unpredictability fades, “sometimes the charge goes with it.”
According to experts, this underlying anxiety can directly affect intimacy, because a nervous system stuck in survival mode isn’t naturally wired for desire.
“Research shows that people who fear being cared for also report higher anxiety and stress,” Balakas explained. “It’s not about pride, it’s about protection.”
Psychologist Taash Balakas believes this ties into how some people emotionally process care and attachment.
For individuals who grew up relying heavily on themselves, often because reliable support was missing, being looked after can actually feel uncomfortable or even threatening.
The emotional stakes in long-term relationships also play a major role. Ending a short-term romance can hurt, but losing someone deeply woven into your daily life, a partner who shares your home, knows your family, and forms part of your routine, creates a much deeper psychological fear.
Therapists say the body responds very differently to those two kinds of loss, and sexual desire often gets tangled up in that emotional tension.
Balakas claims the solution starts with learning to feel safe receiving love and support.
“Softening doesn’t mean losing your independence,” she claimed. “It means allowing yourself to experience care without assuming it will disappear.”
For people who have spent many years expecting abandonment or emotional disappointment, that kind of vulnerability can feel far scarier than the passionate uncertainty of a new relationship.
