It's always a question that comes up at the start of your relationship, and can often lead to quite a prickly and jealousy-ridden conversation. How many people have you slept with? For those of you who have only slept with one or two people, you may feel a little inferior answering that question. While for those who are in the 50+ bracket, it's hard not to feel like you're being judged for your persistent sexual activity. However, thanks to Illicit Encounters, a dating website for people who are married, we can now reveal what men and women consider to be the perfect number of sexual partners. So, how many do you reckon? How many sexual partners do you think is the ideal before you settle down for a lifetime of sex with one person? Would you rather your partner had slept with plenty of people in the build up to you? Or would you rather they had kept themselves "pure", waiting for the perfect person (you), to sexually enlighten them? Well, the survey has revealed that the ideal number is 12. Seems quite low, right? Those who were surveyed (who were cheating on their spouses, by the way), said that the figure 12 was perfect as it showed that the individual in question was “sexually adventurous, liberal and transient.” The cheaters who were quizzed about this information, said that those who had fewer than 10 partners are "too conservative" and that they are "sexually inexperienced". However, the participants also weren't a fan of those who had slept with a larger number, with the results saying "anything above 19 partners is a red flag, as they would consider the person to be ‘too selfish’, ‘difficult to please’ or ‘too eager to jump from partner to partner.'" Surprisingly, while it appears to come up in question a lot, only 45 per cent of women said they would actually want to know how many people their partner had slept with, while 53 per cent of men said that they would want to know the answer to that question. Christian Grant, a spokesman for IllicitEncounters.com, said:  "Men are a little more self-conscious when it comes to competition. "They want to be seen as the biggest and best; whether that stems from genuinely wanting to satisfy their partner or to massage their own ego is another matter entirely. "Women on the other hand, they're just happy to enjoy the moment, past experiences aside." So there you have it, make with that information what you will. If you're thinking of cheating on your spouse (which you shouldn't be), now you know what the "ideal" number of former lovers is. Or, if you're new to a relationship, you can now round your tally up or down depending on your realistic score. Although, why does it really matter? Your tally is just a number. What really matters is if you're any good in the sack or not. If you want tips on how to perform better, why not check out what men and women don't like in the bed, at least you'll know what to avoid.

There is something within the fabric of humans making us feel the need to question and judge people about their past. If you're in a relationship with someone, it's more than likely that you've had the conversation regarding the amount of people they have been with or slept with. What follows is usually a period of sustained awkward silence or cringe-worthy conversation as your partner tries to process the idea of you being with other people and not them. It's a stupid conversation that we are all guilty of having. However, while the majority of us are able to move on from the conversation with nothing hanging over our heads, these stories from boyfriends who have slept with more people than their partners show that it's not always a smooth conversation.

1. Why lie?

2. Some people don't take it well

3. A lose-lose situation

4. Then why is it her business?

5. Not the reaction you want

6. That's a hell of a difference

7. Should you though?

8. If she loved you, she would've seen past the number

9. She'll get over it

10. 100% faithful is a lot more important 

11. That's just childish

12. Just hope it never comes up again

13. It shouldn't be used as ammo

14. Don't beat yourself up about it

15. It's not about the number – you're a cheat and that's the problem

16. What number is she then?

18.Then show her that she's not

19. Sorry, how many?

20. Honesty is the best policy

It still remains a mystery why we need to know the details of our partners past, and it's something I will never fully get my head around. If you love that person and they love you, why does it matter who they have been with previously?

Whether you're single or happily in a long-term relationship, you may have wondered whether you're getting jiggy in the sheets more or less than other people. The amount of times the average person gets intimate has been revealed. Credit: Tom Merton/Getty Images Getting intimate can be an important part of any relationship, but the amount of times people get between the sheets can vary greatly, for many reasons from personal desire right down to logistics. And even within relationships, the amount of sex couples have can fluctuate over the years, so it's no wonder many people question whether or not they're getting freaky more or less than the average person. Well, that amount has been revealed and it's left people pretty stunned. In 2022, a TikToker went viral after sharing the magic number, and many of his followers were left trying to catch up. How many times a couple gets between the sheets can vary greatly. Credit: PeopleImages/Getty Images Daniel Schaal, who goes by the handle @thatschaalfolks, explained: "The average person has sex 54 times a year or so, looks like the next few days are gonna be pretty crazy for me."Yep, that's over once a week, every week, all year. Many people shared their shock at the stat, writing: "Apparently the average person has sex 54 times a year. Not sure I'm ready for the next three days."Someone else wrote: "Average human has sex 54 times a year. This 2 weeks of December about to go crazy."Another added: "they say the average adult has sex 54 times a year. November and December are apparently going to be awesome."One viewer joked: "Well I’ll certainly be below average on yet another thing."Of course, sex isn't the be-all and end-all of a relationship, and there can be many reasons why people don't get freaky as often as the average. There are ways to reignite the spark and hit that target. Credit: DMP/Getty Images There are many other ways couples can enjoy intimacy, from spending time together, to physical touch, or simply doing thoughtful things to make the other happy. A 2017 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found the average adult has sex around once a week, which around nine times less than a similar study showed in the 1990s. Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a New York City-based clinical psychologist, shared the importance of a healthy sex life within a relationship, telling NBC News: "Closeness and connection is a human need."When in a long-term relationship it's important to reconnect through sex. The brain chemicals released during sex further enhance bonding."Of course, if the desire in your relationship has started to wane, there are ways to prioritize more intimate time with your other half. From scheduling in one-on-one time together to speaking openly about your needs and desires, to speaking to a sex therapist to work through underlying issues, there are many ways to reignite that spark. And, you never know, there still could be plenty of time to hit that 54 mark this year if you really commit to it. Featured image credit: Tom Merton/Getty Images

Oh to be young, and to feel love's keen sting.

Would it be fair to say that dating in the 21st century is something akin to navigating a particularly troublesome level of the beloved noughties computer game Crash Bandicoot?

I think it would, I really think it would.

To extend the metaphor arguably past breaking point, one must manoeuvre their way through soaring highs and crushing, snake-pit-filled lows. We must battle the elements, love rivals, and the ever-present sense that one is about to say something so utterly absurd or offensive that one's prospective partner will visibly shudder before making their excuses.

Before we even get to the stomach-churning reality of a first date, there is the necessity of endlessly swiping left and right in a kind of vague stupor, based on nothing more than a cursory glance at someone's online dating profile.

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Let's assume, though, perhaps optimistically, that you have navigated every digital hurdle placed in your way and actually managed to secure yourself a real-life date with a real-life person, what happens next?

Well, ideally, you find out that you have plenty of common ground, similar interests and share a vaguely erudite worldview.

These seemingly disparate elements, coupled with a visceral attraction, might lead you both to the happy conclusion that it's worth giving it a go together. As a couple.

If you do find yourself headed down this particular path, though, the obstacles, if anything, become greater still. One of the most commonly asked questions between new partners is surely that most fateful, potentially thorny one: how many sexual partners have you had?

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Although the answer is rarely palatable, still we ask, drawn by some irrepressible need to know that can do us no good. Yet still, we wonder.

I am here to tell you, though, that very little good can come of answering that question. First and foremost, the reasoning behind the asking plays a big part in this conclusion. Your prospective partner might be hoping to ascertain some idea of your sexual prowess when they ask you how many sexual partners you have had, and we all know that profligacy is not necessarily a harbinger of skill.

If the questioner is hoping to gain an idea of the health implications of sleeping with the questionee, then there are clear benefits to answering, and answering honestly.

Which leads us neatly on to the second point; people - men in particular - are prone to lying about the number of sexual partners they have had. In fact, data suggests that men tend to exaggerate how sexually prolific they are, while women tend to downplay their number of sexual encounters.

So even if you ask the question, the chances of you getting a truly honest answer would appear to be relatively slim.

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Perhaps the most compelling argument against telling your partner how many people you have slept with is the insecurities that your potentially dishonest answer might lead to. Having a particularly high number rattling around in your head could lead to doubts and misgivings about one's own sexual prowess; after all, the only thing the number of your partner's previous sexual encounters can tell you is what they were like in the past, not how they are now, and, specifically, with you.

By all means, practice safe sex and be open and honest about getting tested and checked for sexually transmitted diseases, but don't obsess over things you cannot control; case in point, your partner's prolific - or sparse- sexual history.

Everybody wants to have great sex, but sometimes it just doesn't happen, despite your best efforts. Maybe it's because of a failure to communicate, or maybe it's because of a lack of experience, or maybe it's because you both had too many whiskey-cokes. Either way, you assure your partner it was a five star experience, but deep down, you both know it was  a one. (Maybe two stars, tops.)

In her new book, Love Rules, former Cosmopolitan editor-in-chief Joanna Coles explains how to navigate today's tricky new world of dating. Also, she reveals how to experience a satisfying love life, debunking many myths about casual sex: For example, compared to Generation Xers, millennials are more than twice as likely be sexually inactive. People crave intimacy, and many of these hookups go poorly, with only 11% of women reporting having an orgasm. What's more, over 50% of women and men want to stay the night and cuddle after a hookup. That proves guys don't just want flints; they want serious relationships too.

Basically, Coles argues that casual sex isn't casual. If you want to avoid feeling an "emotional hangover," then you should get real with yourself. Here are 21 questions you should ask yourself for a better sex life.

The questions begin by analyzing your sexual history. Let's remember the good times!

1. When was the last time you had good sex?

2. Who was it with?

3. What were the circumstances?

4. Did you have an orgasm?

5. Did you see that person again?

Next, consider your experience with casual sex.

6. Have you ever had casual sex?

7. How often do you have it?

8. Do you have sex to figure out if you like someone?

9. Do you have sex drunk?

10. How often?

11. Do you regularly have orgasms?

Before you commit to having sex with someone, ask these questions:

12. Why are you sleeping with this particular person?

13. Do you just want to have sex?

14. Are you sleeping with him because you want him to like you and you think the act of sex will achieve that goal?

15. Do you think it will be a good experience?

Coles says that it's important to identify your expectations. If you're totally cool with a fling for fun, or you're sure this is beginning of a serious relationship, then that's great. But if you're not sure where this relationship is headed, you might get ghosted by your partner afterward, and feel crushed. Once you're clear about your expectations, ask these questions:

16. What is the potential upside?

17. The downside?

18. Is the equation worth it?

If your partner passes the test, then look for these cues:

19. Does your partner make you feel comfortable and safe?

20. Is your partner sensitive to the boundaries of consent?

21. Can you talk about sexual protection?

Coles says "protected sex is a prerequisite for sexual pleasure," because without protection, people feel anxiety.

Well, hopefully by answering these questions you can experience a better sex life. And if this doesn't work, you can always try ordering those "magic pills" in your email spam folder.

In a related story, these 10 little tips will reinvigorate your love life...