Relationships4 min(s) read
The 72-hour rule is doing the rounds again.
The idea is simple - have sex, or at least some form of physical intimacy, every three days.
No exceptions, no excuses - put it in the diary if you have to.
Half the internet thinks it sounds clinical and exhausting.
The other half is into it.
Sex therapists are somewhere in the middle.
It is exactly what it sounds like.
Never let more than 72 hours pass between intimate moments with your partner.
That could be sex, or it could be something else.
The point is to have regular, deliberate physical connection rather than waiting for the mood to strike on its own.
The theory is that the longer a couple goes without being intimate, the harder it becomes to start again.
Three days is short enough to stop the drift before it sets in.
Leigh Norén, a sex therapist and coach, told Stylist that structured intimacy can genuinely help.
"Intimacy, whether physical, emotional or sexual, can often fall by the wayside in long-term relationships," she said.
"While Hollywood has us believe that if we're with the right person, we don't need to work at it to keep it alive, we absolutely do."
For couples who respond well to routine, Norén said the 72-hour rule works as a regular checkpoint rather than a deadline.
It gives both people permission to initiate without feeling like they are the only one pushing for it.
However, not everyone agrees.
Mariàn Martínez, a sex and relationships coach at Smile Makers Collection, told the same outlet she thinks the rule is solving the wrong problem.
"Most don't stop having sex because they forgot to put it in the diary," she said.
"They stop because they're exhausted, resentful, disconnected, carrying unequal mental loads, or because desire has become another thing to produce."
Putting a timer on it won't fix any of that.
For couples already struggling, a 72-hour deadline is just another thing to fail at.
The Knot's 2024 Relationship and Intimacy Study found that only 2% of couples actually schedule sex. Meanwhile, 24% said they were dissatisfied with their sex lives.
A separate 2024 study out of New Zealand found that women who have sex at least once a week report the highest relationship satisfaction.
The 72-hour rule sits roughly in that range for most couples.
The correlation between frequency and happiness appears to hold up to a point.
Beyond once a week, the returns flatten out.
Having more sex does not necessarily mean a happier relationship. But having very little sex, or none at all, tends to correlate with lower satisfaction on both sides.
Depends on the couple.
If both people are genuinely on board and the only problem is that life has got in the way, it can help.
It takes sex out of the category of things that might happen and puts it in the category of things both people have agreed to do. That shift alone can make a difference.
If the issue is deeper than that, if there is resentment or exhaustion or a mismatch in desire, putting a number on it is not going to fix anything. It might make it worse.
The number itself is almost beside the point.
Three days, once a week, twice a week.
What matters is the conversation behind it.
Two people agreeing that physical intimacy is something worth protecting rather than something that just happens when both of them are in the mood at the same time, which in a long-term relationship is basically never.
The 72-hour rule will not save a relationship that has bigger problems.
But for couples who have just let things slide and are not sure how to get back, it is definitely a place to start.
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A sex expert has weighed in on the number of times a week couples should be having sex - and their verdict has left many people stunned.
Sex is often an important part of a relationship, but the topic of how often people get freaky between the sheets can leave people divided.
Now, there's no right or wrong answer as everyone's different - some couldn't imagine a day without it, while others prefer to get jiggy once in a blue moon - but an expert has shared what the optimal amount may be.
Dr Karen Gurney, a clinical psychologist and sex expert with over 20 years of experience helping couples tackle issues within their sex lives, revealed all on the Diary of a CEO podcast.
Dr Gurney explained that "one of the big myths" people often believe - and thus compare themselves to - is the frequency of sex, explaining that while "everyone says three times a week", that is nothing more than an "urban myth".
She explained: "It's actually drastically different than that, the average times people in the UK and it's replicated around the world.
"What's fascinating is we're using frequency as a yardstick of a good sex life. There's no correlation between the frequency of sex and sexual satisfaction.
"You could be having sex once a year that completely blows your socks off, makes you feel alive, makes you feel super connected, that's really exploratory where you lose yourself in it.
"That is better than having sex once a day where you're not enjoying it, your mind's not in it, it's not pleasurable, you're feeling disconnected. You're feeling awkward."
She revealed that the average British couple is actually having sex around three times a month on average, but the difference in couples varies greatly.
Some couples reported that they hadn't had sex in months "and were quite happy with that" while there was also "plenty of people having sex more".
She also noted that most of the respondent wanted to be having "more sex, better sex" than they were currently having, but added that the pressure to perform or meet a perceived expectation ended up making sex worse in relationships.
"Pressure is a total passion killer," she revealed, adding that issues with communication were also creating problems in the bedroom.
Dr Gurney added that the amount of sex people were having doesn't actually matter or need to live up to anyone else's tally as long as the sex you're having works for the couple themselves.
So it's time to stop comparing your frequency to others as long as you and your partner are happy with what you've got going on.
If you're after a way to improve your relationship in the bedroom, then the "Cinderella rule" might be for you.
There's no shame in trying to find ways to keep the magic alive - and this method helps you stay fresh the next day too.
The concept behind it is setting a firm cutoff time for intimacy, so you're not pushing your limits just to squeeze in sex at the end of an exhausting day.
It’s a clever mix of boundaries and scheduled romance — and it’s gaining traction.
Alice Giddings, sex and relationships reporter for Metro, says the Cinderella rule is a total game-changer.
“Simply set a cut-off point in your head for when intimacy will no longer be on the cards – this way you don’t have to worry about being exhausted the next morning,” Giddings explained.
She adds: “My ‘turn into a pumpkin’ cut off is 10:30PM, and ideally this is when it’ll be lights out and off to snoozeville. This means my cut-off for intimacy starting is 10:10PM latest…”
Giddings also encourages couples to get flirty in advance. “However, many hours prior to this, you can give your partner indications that sex is on the cards in the evening, but mention in passing the cut-off point,” she added.
The structure, she says, doesn’t make things boring — it makes them better. It creates something to look forward to, and the looming deadline adds a bit of heat to the anticipation.
She’s not the only one who’s ditched spontaneity in favor of scheduling. Married couple Jay and Sofia Lyons swear by setting aside dedicated time for intimacy — and it’s worked for over three decades.
“It’s made our relationship one million times better,” Jay told The New York Post. “It’s the glue that keeps your marriage close — it’s very difficult to have a bad marriage when you’re regularly having sex.”
The couple began carving out sex time in their calendar back in the 1990s after tying the knot and raising kids, and they haven’t looked back since.
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Experts back it up, too.
“Spontaneity is not the only way to have good sex,” says Virginia Sadock, director of the human sexuality program at NYU Langone Health.
Sadock also points out that the movie-style passion scenes just aren’t realistic for most people. “The steamy, in-the-moment sex sessions that happen in the movies are not realistic, especially for two people with busy, demanding lives.”
So while fairytales might end with a kiss at midnight, real-world relationships could thrive better with a 10:10PM deadline and a calendar alert.
A leading sex therapist believes one common relationship mistake is quietly damaging couples' sex lives, and it has little to do with attraction or love.
According to licensed sex therapist Vanessa Marin, many long-term partners don't stop wanting intimacy. Instead, they stop asking for it because they're afraid of being rejected.
Speaking to the New York Post, Marin explained that this issue often goes unnoticed because couples rarely argue about it directly.
"Couples don't always fight about it openly; they just slowly stop reaching for each other," she said.
Marin, who co-authored the bestselling relationship guide Sex Talks, estimates that around 83% of couples either avoid initiating sex altogether, struggle to do it effectively or regularly end up feeling hurt during the process.
She believes fear of hearing "no" leads many people to avoid making a clear request. Instead, they rely on subtle hints or indirect gestures that leave room for plausible deniability.
Whether it's an awkward touch, wandering toward the bedroom or making an offhand comment about having free time, Marin says these approaches often backfire.
"If you don't fully put yourself out there, it doesn't hurt as much when you're turned down," she explained.
But avoiding vulnerability comes at a cost.
"Nobody wants to have sex with someone who can't properly state what they want," she added.
Research also supports her view. A 2025 study found that people experiencing high levels of shame or fear of intimacy were much less likely to initiate sex, not because they lacked desire, but because the possibility of rejection felt emotionally risky.
Marin also believes unrealistic portrayals of romance in films and television have shaped expectations around intimacy.
She pointed to the familiar movie scene where two people exchange a glance before immediately ending up in bed, saying many couples mistakenly believe real-life desire should unfold the same way.
Instead, she argues that healthy intimacy requires communication and intention.
"You have to know your partner, you have to say what you want, and you have to navigate 'no' gracefully," she said.
To help couples reconnect, Marin recommends a strategy she calls "The Simmer," which focuses on building closeness long before either partner initiates sex.
That could include sending a thoughtful text during the day, helping with household chores or sharing affection without expecting it to lead anywhere.
She also encourages couples to discuss what actually makes them feel desired by asking each other to list three specific ways they'd like intimacy to be initiated.
"The goal," she says, is to make initiation feel like "an invitation someone actually wants to accept."
Marin believes initiation styles are often as personal as love languages, with many people instinctively approaching sex in the same way they'd prefer to be approached themselves.
While one partner may enjoy romance and anticipation, another may appreciate a much more direct approach.
"A partner who knows exactly how to invite you in and make you feel desired is so much hotter than someone just lunging at you and hoping for the best," Marin said.
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