Finding the right person for you can be a hard and arduous task. It's pretty common to go through numerous amounts of "lovers" as you search for "the one", and it can all feel like a complete waste of time. However, they do say that when you do find the one, you will know. So all the urm-ing and ahh-ing must be worth it in the end, right? RIGHT!?
When you're on the prowl for your significant other, there are also certain attributes that you look for in your dream guy or girl. Some of them may be physical; you might prefer blondes to brunettes for example, or you might like a dad bod over washboard abs. It's completely up to you.
While physical attraction 100% comes into the equation (after all, you've got to fancy them in order to swipe right), the older you get, the more you realise that personality is just as, if not more, important. So, being the little legend that I am, I've compiled a list of important things that you need to have in common with your S/O in order for your relationship to work.
1. Sex drive
He's gone straight in with the dirty talk! Lets not beat about the bush here guys, yeah? Sex forms a vital part of a relationship and if one of you is constantly randy, while the other one isn't, it's only going to end badly.
2. Attitude to sex
A completely different problem to sex drive, someones attitude towards sex can say a lot about whether you're compatible. Are you all about BDSM and a lover of gimp suits and sex swings? That's okay (kind of), but if your partner is more about simple missionary and being vanilla, things are going to get strained. Likewise, talk to each other about what you like, sex is meant to be fun and none of us are mind readers at the end of the day.
3. Toilet humour
Some people love it, some people hate it. Maybe find out what your partner's opinions on discussing human excrement are before you go farting while sitting on them, and taking a dump with the door open.
4. Cleanliness
Follows on nicely from toilet discussions, doesn't it? So, are you a clean freak? Yes? Then find another clean freak as well. Cleanliness is at the route of 92 percent of all arguments that couples have ever had* and will no doubt cause some trouble in your relationship at some point, so make sure you're on the same wavelength when it comes to how many pairs of pants should be on the bedroom floor.
*This statistic isn't actually true, although I reckon it is definitely accurate.
5. Food choices
As we are all aware by now, food is life. However, for some freaks out there, things like pizza, fries and burgers are not something they want to regularly consume. If you're a #CleanEating weirdo, find another one of your type to shack up with, rather than putting down those of us who dream of swimming in cheese.
6. Booze
Following on from food, booze is the second most important thing in life. If you're someone who loves a drink and having an absolutely dirty drinking session on a Friday night, maybe don't get involved with someone who is over that life, and vice-versa.
7. Politics
Well, this one is a real taboo, isn't it? There will come a day at some in any budding relationship, when politics will come up. It will be a day that makes-or-breaks the relationship, and it will change your perception of your partner completely. Put it this way, if you're a bit of a lefty, with firm beliefs in multiculturalism and wealth-distribution, don't end up with a conservative or a Neo-Nazi. It will not end well.
8. The future
So, once you've had your raging debate about private schools, the conversation naturally turns to whether you would send your kids to one. "Kids!?" You scream, "I don't even want f**king kids!!" and there you go, you've made your partner cry. Whether you're about seeing a new bit of the world, settling down in the country or spending your life dossing around, make sure your S/O's plans line up with yours, otherwise you're on a collision course to a breakup.
9. Generosity
Someone who is generous is instantly more attractive, while someone who is an absolute stinge-bag isn't. If you're out for a meal, you can get a pretty good insight into someone's personality if they're super anal about splitting the bill right down to the last decimal, rather than just loosely splitting it with you. Also, if you're more than prepared to splash some cash on something completely unnecessary, and they're not, due to the fact that they're a penny-counter, it just isn't going to work, sorry!
10. Humour
They say that laughter is the best medicine, but some people don't find the same things funny. Take me for example; I absolutely hate Friends and other similar sitcoms (don't even chat to me about The Big Bang Theory). You want someone who has a similar sense of humour to you and is also able to mock themselves from time-to-time. All of us are ridiculous in our own way, so being able to have a laugh at some of your physical or psychological aspects is an attractive personality trait.
11. Compassion
Maybe you're a stone cold freak, or maybe you are way too clingy, either way you need to find out what your partner is about. I had one girlfriend who constantly wanted me to declare my love for her in a series of letters or grandiose gestures, and that's why she is now my ex. I also cry at the end of Toy Story 3, so I probably need to meet someone who doesn't think I'm a complete weirdo for that. But yeah, you need to find out how compassionate your S/O is, as someone who is too clingy or cold will drive you up the wall.
12. Willingness to learn from mistakes
We all make mistakes, and owning up to them is a key part of a healthy relationship. If you've gone through break-ups, learn from them, and don't make the same mistakes again. Relationships are stressful, and you will have to learn to deal with each other as you go along, but if you're really serious about that person, that shouldn't be much of an issue.
13. Do they like animals?
I once had an ex who didn't like dogs, and even more surprisingly, she actually wasn't from the pits of Hell. I know, right? It's hard to believe, but I promise you it's the truth. A person's attitude to animals (particularly dogs), will let you know whether they are a keeper or simply a demon walking on earth.
14. I think we're alone now
While you love hanging around with your S/O, sometimes is nice to be alone. I'm someone who likes having the place to myself every now and then, or to go out on my own, and for that reason I can't stand someone who constantly checks-up on where I am, who I am with and when I'm coming home.
15. Ambition
A bit like making plans for the future, if you're someone who has dreams and ambitions and your partner is happy to just cruise through life, not bothering to try and better their career etc... you're just going to end up getting annoyed at them.
16. Values
Being from a big ol' family, I place a lot of value on my family and friends and look for someone who does the same. Finding someone who has similar values to you is key; after all, if they're not as bothered with getting on with your family as much as you are with theirs, it's just going to cause drama.
17. Do they like Game of Thrones?
Please say no. Please, please, PLEASE say no. GoT dominates pretty much every office chat, every pub chat, every train chat, EVERY F**KING CHAT IN THE WHOLE WORLD. So finding someone who also doesn't like the show is an absolute winner. However, if you are into dragons and people running around in IKEA rugs, make sure the other person is as well.
So there you go: I, the relationship fairy, have swooped in to deliver my fountain of knowledge to you and help you achieve the perfect relationship. If your partner doesn't match up to these super important characteristics, I'm afraid it's time to bin them.
