Since the issue of sexual harassment and assault is being discussed more openly than ever before - thanks to the numerous scandals coming out of Hollywood - people are becoming more and more aware of the seriousness of the matter, as well as how alarmingly frequent instances of misconduct are. At the end of last year, CBS published an article titled: "In Wake Of Weinstein, Men Wonder If Hugging Women Still OK". The article kind of completely missed the point about what "misconduct" is, and it seemed to trivialise the issue at hand. Which, of course, Twitter didn't take to kindly. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/Bad_Episode/status/938489492649992193]] In any case, this question of "what's acceptable and what's not" seems to be a more serious problem than we thought, and a woman who had her own uncomfortable encounter over the weekend is a perfect example. Freelance writer, Amna Saleem, was reading a book at a bar in London while waiting for her dinner companion to arrive when she was approached by a man who wanted to buy her a drink. [[instagramwidget||https://www.instagram.com/p/BdYlyxmBQv-/?taken-by=amnafire]] "Books, like earphones, are usually a great indicator that someone doesn’t want to be disturbed," she wrote in an article about the incident published in Huck Magazine. But that didn't seem to stop the guy from approaching her. While she thought that he was going to comment on the book she was reading (it was Station Eleven, by the way), he came over and insisted she have a drink with him. Amna tweeted what happened next, and it's since gone viral. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/AGlasgowGirl/status/954805372115734528]] The man was apparently not going to leave her be, despite the polite declinations she was offering, suggesting that she'd like to read in solitude. A kind stranger at the bar must have noticed the confrontation that was getting increasingly uncomfortable, and swiftly came to the rescue pretending to be Amna's friend. She said she felt her anxiety "dissipate" immediately after she realised what was going on. "The man stood awkwardly for a few seconds before finally leaving, clearly not wanting anyone to witness his behaviour," Amna wrote in her article. "Instead he scarpered at the first sign of interference – confirming that his actions were predatory, and that he knew it." It's another example of people not understanding that no means no, and being persistent in trying to chat/flirt with a person who clearly doesn't want to engage. Amna's tweet caught the attention of thousands of people, many of whom left comments on the situation.

This guy knows how it should have gone down:

[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/fourxdad/status/955273706787422213]]

And so does this one:

[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/NickHeathADI/status/955157356819767296]]

This person pointed out that it's usually never "just a drink":

[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/StevenSankey88/status/955074528165679105]]

These girls had their own suggestions about how they would have handled the situation:

[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/SariaSayan/status/955052991853326337]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/VelvetSparrow/status/955369781137321985]]

And it turns out that plenty of people had experienced the same kind of situation:

[[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/marissad415/status/955155803475988480]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/AuraInBrooklyn/status/955109112806825985]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/JamielPridgen/status/955093837021614080]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/Gatto_Biscollo/status/955050561530888193]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/AGlasgowGirl/status/955047042660929536]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/bletherskite/status/954852861472632833]] As disheartening as it is to know that these kinds of creepy encounters are all too common, it's nice to see total strangers looking out for one another. More of this please, and less of the creepiness. Go with it if she says yes to the drink, but if she says no – leave it at that and move on.

Word of advice to all you guys trying to pick up ladies at the bar: If you approach a woman and ask if you can buy her a drink and she says no, just keep asking her, over and over again, getting increasingly aggressive. Eventually she'll change her mind! And if she says she has a boyfriend, just keep talking to her. With your Ciceronian oratory skills, you'll quickly convince her to dump that dude and instead run away with Pushy Creep #497. All right, I'm being sarcastic. But for some guys, that seems to be their thought process. I guess you can chalk it up to how we're conditioned as a society - men to chase women, women to be pursued - and you can probably also chalk it up to guys getting so hammered they act like idiots and can't take no for an answer. It's an uncomfortable situation familiar to most women who've been alone at the bar for longer than ten seconds. But when one young woman in East London found herself getting harassed, she was rescued by a quick-thinking stranger: [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/AGlasgowGirl/status/954805372115734528]] Amna Saleem was hanging out at the pub, reading, waiting for her boyfriend to meet her for dinner. Suddenly, a random guy approached her, and asked to buy her a drink. She said no, but he refused to accept that she wasn't interested - even after she informed him that she had a boyfriend. Luckily, Amna was saved by a random woman, who recognized what was happening. Touched, she tweeted the whole interaction: "guy: ...just one drink me: no thank you guy: come on it's just a drink me: look, i'm sorry I just want to read my book while i wait for my bf guy: what ur bf doesn't let you have friends? random woman: Clara? Hi! *hugs* (whispers) u ok? women are great" Amna's tweet struck a chord with many people, getting over a thousand comments, a hundred thousand retweets and half a million likes. "I was trying to remain polite so it didn't escalate," said Amna, in an interview about the experience. "But I was getting irritated at which point a lovely woman nearby intervened pretending to be an old friend. [The guy] looked annoyed and awkwardly hung about before finally leaving." She hopes her story will inspire more people to "save" others, adding "I feel like we should look out for each other." [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/BunkoPirate/status/955043727143243776]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/AGlasgowGirl/status/955047042660929536]] One guy on Twitter asked how men could help out in these situations - without, you know, starting a crazy fistfight. Amna replied that a man could intervene in a couple non-aggressive ways: He could pretend to be her friend, and say "Hey, your girlfriend is looking for you." Also, he could pretend to be her boyfriend and say, "Hey, sorry I'm late!" She added that "it's all in the eyes and tone." Meanwhile, several other Twitter users shared their own reflections, and stories about their experiences: [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/Mama_Huhn/status/955010277413740545]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/tokuswag/status/955233867945791488]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/martin_plural/status/955146367323656192]] In perhaps the best story, a man pretended to be the woman's husband, and a decade later, they got married! [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/JamielPridgen/status/955093837021614080]] Today's dating world can be tricky to navigate, but at least people are looking out for each other. Now, how about I buy you a drink? Come on, it's just a drink! COME ON. IT'S JUST A DRINK.    

It's a sad fact of life that pretty much every woman will have some sort of story regarding sexual harassment. Even though it's 2017, and women's rights have come on leaps and bounds since yesteryear, women still have to put up with a lot of s**t on the daily. As a man, it's hard to read stories like the following, as well as the constant flow of sexual harassment/assault allegations that are currently coming out of Hollywood, and not feel ashamed of my fellow males. Nathalie Gordon took to Twitter a few months ago to share a story regarding the harassment she received from a man while on a bus. The story feels poignant given what's going on in the news, and for that reason, we felt the need to share it to show that harassment exists everywhere and not just in showbiz. Taking to her Twitter account, Nathalie grabbed the attention of everyone with one simple tweet. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860139749037748224]] It's safe to say that plenty of women will have known what was coming, but for men, this was set to be a lesson in gender disparity. Nathalie began by describing a seemingly innocuous encounter with a man on the bus to a meeting. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860139922946224128]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860140042286772224]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860140181646692352]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860140538158252032]] The conversation quickly turns from creepy to downright scary, with the man getting physical with Nathalie. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860140871555190785]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860141055093637120]] Nathalie says that she asked the man to stop, but he just laughed at her instead. Seeking help from someone else, Nathalie reported the man to the bus driver, but rather than help the distressed woman, he simply told her to "sit somewhere else". [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860141931657129984]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860142443550957568]] The obnoxious response from the driver understandably triggered Nathalie, who went on an impassioned rant for what she expects from men. And looking at it on paper, she really isn't asking for much. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860142670093721601]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860142924818001920]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860143304561831936]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860143739427270656]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860144272636600321]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860144497979785216]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860145299997822978]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860146894630203392]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860149218366959616]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/860149754151538689]] Countless women responded to Nathalie, saying they had experienced similar cases of harassment as well. However, as with all things that involve allegations aimed at men, many males came forward to comment on Gordon's story and prove her point: Men don't get it. One man, who seemed to really not understand how the behaviour of the offender and driver was wrong, went on an impassioned rant about how the driver was right to say "no" to Gordon's request for help, claiming that is what equality looks like and that she should fight her own battles. However, Nathalie's response to men like this was perfect: [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/awlilnatty/status/861178690453082114]] Despite the critics and trolls, Gordon says that she came away from the discussion feeling positive. "For every guy saying something cruel there's 10 rushing to my defence," she explains. "They've recognised that women don't want, need or expect to be saved. We want people standing beside us going 'This is wrong, we need to find a way to stop this from happening.'" "I know so many good men and this has confirmed that there are plenty more out there," Gordon says. "I just hope they are as vocal in real life as they are on Twitter because they have such power if they do." It's a shame that not everyone can react with compassion when someone shares a story like this one. Rather than trolling and arguing with Natalie, it would be more reassuring to see men taking her side and letting her know that they would've stood up for her in this instance.

Last week, a man told me he was going to rape me. Queuing at a bar after a girly catch-up dinner, a perfectly innocuous looking middle-aged man approached my friend and I. After hitting on my friend with a cheeky, but ultimately harmless, chat-up line, he turned his attentions to me with one that was even more corny. I rolled my eyes, chuckled, and turned away. Not one to take rejection well, his tone instantly became aggressive. "Fuck it," he snarled. "What I’ll do with you is take you to a woods, fucking chase you through it and fucking rape you." London on a Friday night, it was a busy pub. People stopped and stared. Even his friend looked horrified. Now, anyone who knows me well will tell you I'll be the first to fight my own corner. I've grown up surrounded by some terrifyingly feisty women, so I always kind of imagined that if anything like this happened I'd come out swinging. But I didn't. Instead of getting angry, I froze; I didn’t hit him, I didn’t tell him to go and die in hole. I just took a deep breath, nodded and moved away. And just like that, life carried on. Whether from pure shock, fear or even just having become desensitised to disrespectful comments, I got angry about the incident about 20 minutes later than I should have done. By that time, he was gone. However, I’m not alone in my inaction; a 2015 poll showed that 71 per cent of women report having let sexual harassment - which the Citizens Advice Bureau defines as "unwanted behaviour of a sexual nature that violates your dignity, makes you feel intimidated, degraded or humiliated, or creates a hostile or offensive environment" - go unchallenged. Just 24 hours later, actress Scarlett Archer attracted support when she took to Twitter to share her own experience. [[twitterwidget||[https://twitter.com/ScarlettArcher/status/929489367005106176]] In the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal and ongoing revelations about the conduct of many other public figures, male and female, more people than ever are willing to speak up about their own experiences. With the hashtags #MeToo and #EverydaySexism being used widely across social media to show how widespread this issue is, it is easy to think the tide is turning. Yet the horrifying responses to Archer’s tweet exemplified the very reasons so many women do still say nothing: the disbelief of the victims, the assumption that people were “asking for it” somehow, the blaming of the victims for not doing more. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/sweettweet991/status/929810800683945991]] It literally baffles me that the argument about clothing is still being made. But for the record, @Franklythis, when it happened to me, I was wearing a bobble hat, a long coat and more layers than a Russian doll - yeah, it was real sexy. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/Franklythis/status/929807564304502784]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/kgwill2012/status/929777378557136897]] It would be only too easy to assume that these kind of opinions were the preserve of online trolls, but a quick look through the internet will show you that when women do speak out it is all too often ill-received. The fact that in the wake of the Weinstein scandal so much of the discussion was focused on the idea that women were somehow responsible for other women’s experiences by not speaking up sooner highlights this. Even prominent public figures, such as British businessman Arron Banks and White House counsellor Kellyanne Conway expressed these kind of attitudes. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/Arron_banks/status/918604908009590784]] Your keyboard is one thing, but say that to her face Arron, I dare you.  Somehow, I've got a funny feeling he's never been in that position. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/FoxNews/status/918650735830667265]] It is this kind of "victim blaming" that is so central to stopping people speaking out about sexual abuse, assault or harassment. It takes guts to speak about something intrusive or distressing that has happened to you, even more so when you don’t know what kind of reaction you’re going to get. It’s easier, emotionally and socially, to say nothing and move on rather than to draw that kind of attention to yourself. Even in the workplace, where sexual harassment is specifically prohibited under the Equality Act 2010, the situation is no better. A September 2017 Opinium poll showed that over half of the women who considered themselves to have been sexually harassed by a colleague did not tell their employer. So here’s a revolutionary idea that I shouldn't have to type: how about we all put the blame at the feet of the person being sexually aggressive, rather than the person having to put up with it? A lack of clarity around sexual harassment in law - the very thing we use to judge “OK” and “not OK” - doesn't help either. In both the UK and the US, there is no specific law against harassing someone in the street, as exists in other countries such as Belgium and Portugal. This is despite the fact that 90 per cent of British women and up to 85 per cent of American women say that by the time they are aged 17, they have experienced some kind of unwanted sexual attention in public. I'm not saying that anyone who wolf whistles or tries to chat someone up at a bus stop should be rounded up and arrested, but by refusing to set, acknowledge and enforce boundaries we refuse to address the issue directly. Although I know that it’s morally abhorrent to threaten to rape someone, the fact that I had to Google whether it is legally a crime to do so (it is) speaks volumes about how accustomed women are to just accepting this kind of thing. I like to think that if I’d already had a pint in my hand, I would have chucked it over that guy. But the truth is, I probably wouldn’t have; I already had a voice, but in this case, for whatever reason, I didn’t use it. Being surrounded by people doesn’t stop the flight or fight response from kicking in and my refusal to draw attention to myself is probably indicative of having grown up against the backdrop of a society that expects women to just brush this kind of thing off. In a September 2017 poll by Drinkaware, almost 80 per cent of women between 18 and 24 said they considered sexual harassment to be part and parcel of a night out. If that stat doesn't suggest a normalisation of this kind of behaviour, I don't know what does. As much as I hate to admit it, I can also understand that the silence of the other people around me in that bar was, in part, a result of my own inaction. I am sure, in hindsight, that had I kicked up a fuss then any of the people around me would have taken my side. But by being "OK" with it, they felt that they had to be OK with it too. The fact is though, I wasn't OK with it, not at all. So the next time you see someone looking uncomfortable at whatever comment has just been made to them, feel free to step in and speak out, because the chances are, you'll give them the confidence and reassurance to do so too.

I'm off the opinion that people should be taught dating etiquette in school, because frankly there are a hell of a lot of people out there who just don't seem to get it. They don't have a clue about how to behave, and exhibit the kind of behaviour that would be spoilt and obnoxious even in a four-year-old-child, let alone a fully grown adult.

Something about dating just seems to bring out the worst in people, and I'm sure we can all remember a date that we went on with good intentions that turned out to be a total car crash. But if you want an example of some serious entitlement, then look no further.

Recently, a young woman named Amanda Burnett, a nurse who hails from Chicago, Illinois, took to Twitter to share her story of a cringeworthy encounter with a guy who was either very offended or else, just super-stingy. Amanda had been on a dinner date with this dude a few days previously, but unfortunately for her, the sparks just weren't flying.

However, rather than reject him straight away, Amanda elected to simply ghost him instead. She stopped answering his calls, and hoped that he would take a hint and cease with the unwarranted advances. Big mistake.

On April 3. Amanda received an invoice (that's right, an invoice: you read that correctly) from the dude in the mail, which charged her in full for her portion of the meal. As you can see from the image above, which she posted to Twitter, the letter did indeed look very official, and all told, he believed that Amanda owed him around $40.

Yup, I think this guy thinks he's entitled to sex, and that now he's missing out on it he wants his money back. Sorry man; I'm afraid it doesn't work that way.

In her initial tweet, Amanda stated: "I’m posting this on Twitter bc it can prob go viral honestly. Got this in the mail from a guy I went on a date with a few weeks back because I didn’t text him back." But that wasn't the end of the story.

The hapless suitor then texted Amanda, and like some kind of loan shark, asked her to pay him back immediately so she would incur "penalty fines." Wow; way to make yourself look even less attractive. As you can see below, Amanda was having none of it, and told him exactly where he could stick his invoice.

However, I think there is a lesson to be learned here, which is that being ghosted sucks for everyone involved. I'm not saying that it excuses this kind of behaviour, but maybe Amanda should have thought about letting her amorous date down gently, instead of giving him the cold shoulder. Still, I'm pretty confident that she's never going to fork over that $40. I'm not sure I would either.

 

Going for a run around your neighbourhood and being honked at, hearing a wolf whistle and looking up to see a group of guys leering at you or having a complete stranger stop you to tell you to "smile" – these are all things women have probably experienced at some point in their lives. As much as some people will try to tell you that "it's a compliment" or "just a bit of harmless fun", it can make you feel really uncomfortable. It's hard to explain exactly why, but hearing unsolicited "compliments" or things like "you should smile more, darling", feels invasive, overbearing, and just a bit creepy. No-one likes being told what to do, and no-one likes feeling pressured into conversing with someone just because they initiated something and it would seem rude not to. Which is why this woman's story is so important. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/LilyEvansMFC/status/949100700964827136]] Lily Evans was out taking her dog, Echo, for a walk when she had a rather startling experience with a stranger she'd met. She took to Twitter to describe what happened in a thread she titled: "Why some women are 'rude' or 'cold' or 'standoffish' to men in public: a thread". As she was walking Echo, Evans paused to take a photo of the sunset. As she stood there, a guy on the bench behind her gave her dog a cracker, a gesture which lead to them introducing themselves. As much as she despises small talk (don't we all), Evans mentioned the nice weather and the conversation between the two strangers was fine until he asked where she lived... which strangers just shouldn't do. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/LilyEvansMFC/status/949101327111536641]] She tried to deflect the situation, and after answering with a hasty "yes", she made an excuse to leave. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/LilyEvansMFC/status/949101672592060416]] But that wasn't the last she saw of the man. As she walked down the street, Evans said she stopped to text a friend when she heard him say: "Hey, I thought you were going home?". The guy had followed her, but still she smiled sweetly and explained to him that she was just speaking with a friend. Already her alarm bells were ringing, and things were only getting worse. The man continued to ask where she lived and said that he'd seen her around here before. "This made me uncomfortable, so I lied and said I live a neighbourhood over," she tweeted. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/LilyEvansMFC/status/949102919894278144]] As he started questioning her about whether she lived by herself and if she had any family in the area, Evans started to get really scared. But still, she didn't say anything about her discomfort and politely answered the man's questions. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/LilyEvansMFC/status/949103609458802688]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/LilyEvansMFC/status/949103873116880898]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/LilyEvansMFC/status/949104143859253249]] She said that the encounter had frightened her so much that she needed to find a new dog walking route and was more reluctant to go out after dark. "All because I decided to be nice to a strange man," she tweeted. "I gave him an inch and he took a mile." [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/LilyEvansMFC/status/949105010377342977]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/LilyEvansMFC/status/949105447386034176]] Evans shared her story in an effort to spread caution about people who might seem completely normal, but also to explain why women are often "rude" or "standoffish" to strangers who talk to them or "compliment" them. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/LilyEvansMFC/status/949106955611643904]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/LilyEvansMFC/status/949107251263897600]] [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/LilyEvansMFC/status/949107523960782848]] The thread received a lot of attention, being retweeted over 44,000 times, with many people sharing their support as well as their own stories of similar encounters. [[twitterwidget||https://twitter.com/LilyEvansMFC/status/949162056887894017]]